The Paralyzer
by Tsuki Mei
Summary: AU songfic Paralyzer by Finger Eleven AkuRoku Axel's confused because of Roxas and wants to go clubbing to forget... but fate's being bitchy


**Paralyzer**

**By: **Tsuki Mei

**Summary:** AU songfic Paralyzer by Eleven Fingers AkuRoku Axel's confused because of Roxas and wants to go clubbing to forget... but fate's being bitchy

**Pairing:** AkuRoku

**POV: **Third Person

**DISCLAIMER: **If you think I own them, do you REALLY think I'd be sitting here writing yaoi fics?

Ok I've updated it so that there are even less grammar and spelling errors than before thanks to the lovely **79** :] maybe with her around I'll be able to start writing again! Thanks for reading!

* * *

Axel stood against a wall, staring at the dance floor. Thousands of moving, sweaty bodies danced on the floor, all intoxicated with alcohol from the bar that wasn't too far away from the tall redhead. He took a sip of his drink as he looked around the room. It was a new club and opening night so there where plenty of youth there. His friends were more then likely partying somewhere in the crowd, but he had yet to see them. He had already been there for more than a half hour, and it wasn't that great. The club was like any other, although people seemed to enjoy it a lot more in their drunken state.

Looking over the crowd again as he took another sip of his drink, he vaguely noticed blonde hair. He turned a bit as the figure sauntered up to him. A grin showed on its snake-like features. Slithering its arm around him, he could smell the strong vodka scent coming from its vile mouth before it even opened.

"Larxene." He stated as the girl rubbed her (fake) boobs on him. He felt himself twitch at their unusual feel. He really didn't want to be 'graced' with the presence of Larxene. He honestly just wanted to forget about everything that had happened in the past few weeks. He wanted to find some chick to get drunk with and have a good time. But it seemed fate had other plans for him.

"Sssoooo lil Axey finally realized that-isn't worth bein'a'fag?" she said only slightly slurring and missing words. Axel frowned at the snake women. He pushed her arm off of him and kept looking around for someone he would be interested in. "Hmph, fine, be that way. Fag." She said, slithering off to some unexpecting victim. The words' meaning grew dull, but even in Larxene's drunken state, they sounded like poison.

_Fag, that's what you are, that's what_ he _made you_, a voice in his head said. He internally cringed, memories of a small blond with a baby face and delicious blue eyes entered his mind. He took a swig of his drink. He would not let that fairy faggot into his mind, no, he refused to let that little fag, cock sucking, sexy―no. He wouldn't let _him_ enter his mind, not tonight.

It wasn't the fact that they had gotten drunk and he had sex with the younger boy either, it wasn't that he really minded having sex with the kid. He liked his personality and all. But the thing was, he was a boy. Axel had been straight all his life, and nothing would change that. Or at least that's what he thought until the young blond strolled into his life. It only took the boy a few short days to get Axel more than interested, and less then a week to get him having fantasies that no straight man would.

But Axel was not gay. Nope, not in anyway way was he a _faggot_.

If it wasn't for him, Axel would still completely and wholly accept that truth. But that boy… He came right in and stirred Axel's mind like he was whisking eggs, scrambling everything Axel knew about him self and the world. He had no clue what was what anymore, and it pissed him off. His body and mind where separated more then usual. One minute his mind would be saying "Stay away from the fag!", while his body was saying "Are you stupid! Fuck him!". And the next day, his mind would be day-dreaming about taking that sweet blonde into a dark corner, while his body would feel nauseous to the point where he'd throw up.

It was confusing, and annoying. Axel hated it. Axel hated_ him_. If it wasn't for _him_, he wouldn't be like _this_. Confused, annoyed, and … nervous. After that night, Axel couldn't see the boy without wanting to run away like some pansy ass and hide in a corner. His hands would sweat, and his heart would pound faster and faster as the adrenaline kicked in. It was a natural thing, the fight or flight. But fighting, Axel knew, would only make him feel worse.

Now it wasn't like Axel didn't absolutely positively love fighting. No, that wasn't the reason why it felt so wrong when it involved the small boy. He just felt… like he was taking advantage, or at least, that's what he says. That feeling started after Axel watched the boy get beaten up by his "friends" for "seducing" Axel in his drunken state. Axel couldn't find anything to say as he watched the younger boy be brutally beaten by four of his older, _stronger_, friends.

When he had gotten home that night he threw up. The look in the boy's eyes haunted him. Pure horror.

"Hey, watch it." Axel growled as a drunk pair push him. They mumbled sorry as they left, obviously about to pass out from alcohol. They didn't even look like they were old enough to drink. As he turned back to the dance floor, he caught a flash of blonde hair.

But this time, it was attached to a small boy, dancing away with his friends. Axel's grip on his drink tightened slightly as he watched the boy. His body started to feel hot, and he backed himself farther against the wall.

_I hold on so nervously  
To me and my drink  
I wish it was cooling me  
But so far, has not been good  
It's been shitty_

The boy stopped dancing and went standing over on the opposite side of the club. He could still see his flushed face and gorgeous blue eyes. His body stiffened at the thought of the boy looking like that, hair messy, blushing, sweating under him―he took a gulp of his drink.  
_  
And I feel awkward, as I should  
This club has got to be  
The most pretentious thing  
Since I thought you and me_

The last time he had really thought about the boy wasn't that long ago. He kept thinking about how they where screwed up. The boy meant nothing to him, but somehow managed to hold him around his finger, screwing with his mind like it was some sort of toy. Images flooded his mind. He could see them, the memories of the boy's sweet golden hair splayed over the bed, a blush brightly lit on his face. He was panting hard, spit running down the side of his mouth from the sloppy, drunk kisses.

_Well I am imagining  
A dark lit place  
Or your place or my place_

The boy looked Axel's way, but didn't seem to notice the tall man. Axel felt his breath hitch slightly as the blonde's eyes roamed the area he was in. He felt his lower region stiffen at the look in the blonde's eyes. It was so obvious he was drunk, and from past experiences he knew, when that kid was drunk, he was horny.  
_  
Well I'm not paralyzed  
But, I seem to be struck by you  
I want to make you move  
Because you're standing still  
_  
Axel felt like the boy was looking right through him, and everyone around him. How could the boy be so open about himself like that? The kid could pick up anyone if he wanted, he just knew how to work it. The kid was experienced in making people want him, even though he never wanted them back. He could still see the blank, bored facial expression on the blonde as he told Axel that he didn't care if the man didn't like him, because he was just another guy.

Axel had never been told something like that before.  
_  
If your body matches  
What your eyes can do  
You'll probably move right through  
Me on my way to you_

He didn't even realize how many drinks he had gone through while thinking of the blonde. He was close to the bar, so he didn't have to move very far to get one. He looked at his cell phone to see that it was already about an hour and a half after he saw the boy. His foot tapped, but not to the beat of the club song playing. It tapped rapid, nervous, and on edge. He needed another drink.

When he looked over to the bartender, she gave him a concerned eye.

Shit, he must have looked desperate.  
_  
I hold out for one more drink  
Before I think  
I'm looking too desperately  
_  
He internally scowled. He had wasted so much of his time being so up-tight, not even the booze could hide his itching nature to want to start jumping up the walls from the anxiety in his stomach. The boy was so close, but so far away. Flirting shamelessly with anyone and everyone. The blonde seemed to be having fun. Axel couldn't stand it. He should have stayed home.  
_  
But so far has not been fun  
I should just stay home  
If one thing really means one_

He didn't really like this club. It wasn't that great. He liked the one on the other side of town better. The drinks weren't even that great, just the cheep stuff that everyone drinks just because they have nothing else to. He wouldn't mind seeing it going out of business soon, and in fact, he'd probably laugh. The place was way too small, and the outside looked one step shy from condemned.  
_  
This club will hopefully  
Be closed in three weeks  
That would be cool with me  
_  
Besides, the other club was closer to his house. And, as he could remember, close to his place as well. It wasn't hard for them to get there, and made it easy to get what they wanted fast. Axel closed his eyes for second, and he could see it again, the boy's flushed, panting face. It was delicious, it was delectable, it―made him sick to his stomach.  
_  
Well I'm still imagining  
A dark lit place  
Or your place or my place_

This time the boy _did_ see him. There eyes stayed connected for a few short moments before the boy turned away. Talking to a guy who was obviously much older then him. Axel felt something strike in the pit of his stomach, like the blunt force of a baseball bat. He felt restricted, and strained at the sight. He wouldn't say it's jealousy though.

No, Axel does _not_ get jealous.

_Well, I'm not paralyzed  
But, I seem to be struck by you  
I want to make you move  
Because you're standing still_

The way the boy looked at the older man made Axel feel nauseous, but didn't connect the feeling to the fact that the older man's expression was far from innocent towards the small blonde. He instead connected it to the fact that he was watching two faggots flirting.

After awhile, the older man seemed mad, and left. The blonde's expression was light and happy, even though underneath it was lust, and haze from the alcohol.

The little boy may be younger, but he's in control.

Axel didn't like that.  
_  
If your body matches  
What your eyes can do  
You'll probably move right through  
Me on my way to you_

When the blonde runs a hand through his soft looking hair, Axel feels stiffer. He can practically _feel _it on his hands. He can feel it all, his hair, his skin, his lips, his―He freezes, eyes crushing the plastic cup in his hands. He wants to go over there, but he'd never admit that. Never.

Because Axel doesn't chase after people, people chase after Axel.

_We'll, I'm not paralyzed  
But, I seem to be struck by you  
I want to make you move  
Because you're standing still_

The look on the blonde's face is so clear to _him_ it hurts, because he saw that face. That expression, it was looking at him. It wanted_ him_. He felt anger bubbling in his veins like boiling water when they looked at anything one else. _Especially_ if the object that held those eyes was an older guy.

…But Axel wasn't possessive, because Axel doesn't like people. He lusts them.

_If your body matches  
What your eyes can do  
You'll probably move right through  
Me on my way to you_

The boy walks closer, Axel feels his heart speed up and he doesn't like it, it doesn't feel good. The boy gets right in the middle of the dance floor, but he's just standing still there. Some guys come up and try to dance with him, but he just stands there. His friends look at him and ask him something, the blonde gives a small shrug, and turns towards Axel. Axel freezes.

Had he caught him staring?

_I'm not paralyzed  
But, I seem to be struck by you  
I want to make you move  
Because you're standing still_

It's obvious that the boy had seen Axel staring because he looks right at him, and through him. As if he isn't there. When a small brunette girl comes up to him and touches his shoulder he turns away from Axel, talking to the petite girl. Axel shivers.

It felt like he was transparent, that the boy could look right through him.

Axel didn't like that feeling.  
_  
If your body matches  
What your eyes can do  
You'll probably move right through  
Me on my way to you_

Axel gets another drink and swigs it down in one good gulp. He dumps the plastic cup on the floor, not caring about its remains. He walks towards the group, the blonde notices the look on Axel's face. Confusion, and an odd hint of determination. He ignores it, as if he can't see Axel at all.

_You'll probably move right through  
Me on my way to you  
_  
The boy's friends leave to go to a booth, and he goes to follow, but Axel gets in the way. He doesn't seem to care that it's him, and goes to walk around him. Acting as though Axel was just another person at the club.

He didn't like that.

_You'll probably move right through  
Me on my way to you  
_  
He grabbed the boy's arm and pulls him out to the ally next to the club. The blonde seems pissed and he can see it, but ignores it. He feels the anxiety welling up in his stomach, making him want to throw up. He ignores that too.

He wasn't going to let this boy toy with him anymore.

"Roxas." He says looking down at the boy's short frame, which is glaring down at the ground.

"What the hell do you want?" he gritted out of his teeth. Roxas looked up, his sweet blue eyes glaring into Axel's acidic green.

When Axel doesn't say anything, the boy goes to leave, but is stopped by two lanky arms. He tries to move them, but they're stronger then they appear, hidden under the long-sleeved shirt. His head whips up to the taller male's.

"Look, you obviously don't want some fag to ruin your _reputation_, so unless you're going to beat him up, I suggest you let me leave." He was briefly reminded of Larxene when he says this, but Roxas' words are like venom dripping. It sounds worse then when Larxene was talking.

And it hurts more.

Axel stays silent, what does he really want? A _relationship_? With a _boy_? But Axel isn't gay, he isn't a fag.

"You're pissing me off can you just―" Axel grabs the back of the small blonde's head and shoves their mouths together. At first Roxas protests, but when Axel licks the seam of his lips Roxas lets him dive in.

Axel's heart pounds faster, he feels better then when he was standing against the wall in the club, but a voice in his head keeps nagging at him.  
_  
He's a boy! A faggot! A fairy! A cock sucker! Stop it right now! You like girls! You are NOT a fag!_

He gets tired of the annoying voice and growls.

"What did you say?" Roxas said pulling away. Axel blinked, he didn't mean to say it out loud.

"Nothing…" he said looking to the side. Did he really mean it?

"No, tell me what you said just now," the small boy demanded. Axel's heart pounded, what would he think?

"So what if I'm a fag?" he says and the boy looks confused, so he finishes his thoughts. Thoughts that he never thought he'd say out loud "I like this kid right here, and nothing's going to change that." The look on Roxas' face was priceless. Axel didn't get to long to save it before the boy started crying.

"You ass hole… if you're joking I'm going to fucking kill you," he said, hugging onto the taller man. Axel smiled and hugged back. He liked this.

"If I am, then I want you to kill me, too," he said, pulling the blonde into another kiss.

Axel was gay for a boy named Roxas, and they loved each other very, very much, and no matter how many times they fought, and who found out, they still loved each other.

Axel liked that.

* * *

**There are still some things that probably slipped in but o'well :] thanks for reading!**


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